What should I do? Child in danger i am afraid?

Question

I have been divorced for 21/2 to 3 years and my ex husband and I have a ten year old daughter. He has gotten remarried without even letting his daughter know before hand. And now he has a month and a half old daughter. The step mother is getting so bad that my daughter is scared to go to her fathers for the agreed weekends. Should I say something to her father or should I say something to her meaning stepmother? Since the baby has been born she is treating her very badly. My daughter is on medication and it has to be given to her at a certain time. Her step mom wont give her the medication until she want to. I thought timing was up to the doctor not a step mom. It is ruining her schedule for sleep and other things. It has even went into threats when the father is not around. I really need some advice especially from divorced parents. What can be done? Oh the medication is for her mental/adhd/add problem. It could throw her into a warp so says the doctor. Please help me soon ok.

Answer 1

What you need to do is contact your attorney about your daughters well being when she is at his home. If he is not there, then he is not living up to the agreement.

Answer 2

First all the threatening in the world is NOT going to change anything it is only going to start a feud that your daughter is caught in the middle of. First I would start with teh father and let him know exactly what your daughter is telling you and I know most won't agree but have your daughter with you when you do. Tell him she isn't happy and the three of you need to work out a solution. At 10 she can tell her dad what she feels but will need someone there to support he. If you and the ex live in the same school district and his days off fall during the week instead of weekends maybe change the visits to where he is there. Your ex might not believe you but will he really call his child a liar. After the three of you talk sit down with your ex and explain to him that you do not feel comfortable the child being there so much with him gone. Don't get defensive just tell him that as a mother you can understand she is going to love her child more but yours still needs love and guidance as well. Chances are the step mom has already been filling him with ideals of how misbehaved your daughter is to prepare her case for when it all blows up. If your ex refuses to work out something to be there with the child and insist she goes then she has to until you can get the matter taken to court and changed by a judge, but when you send her send her with her own cell phone (pre-paid) so that at anytime she can call you if she needs to without the step mom knowing. I did this with my kids when they went to their dads because they would get upset missing home and he wouldn't let them call and this way if anything was really wrong I would know right off and could be there with the law or whoever immediatly. The first time the step mom doesn't give the meds or threatens the child she can call and you can meet child protective services on the front door step. I also know as a mother with an adhd child it isn't just about the medication but a strict schedule for eating, bathing, bedtime, all of it because they need the routine.

Answer 3

First I would threaten the father and I would let him know that he is losing his daughter's respect because first of all he didn't tell his daughter that he was getting married, and now that he is married to the b%$&h your daughter and her clash and she has been very mean to your daughter and you want him to know what she is telling you and you think that it is only fair that the stepmom treat her with respect, and also let her father know that the medication she is on isn't being given to her on schedule and now it is messing with your daughters sleep schedule, I would also make it a point to say that if things don't change when she is there child protective services will be involved with the situation and if it doesn't change after that take it a step further and make sure that you have sole legal and sole physical custody and he can set up supervised visitation, all you have to do is get a lawyer and show him your proof and her testimony and if child protective services is involved at all they will have a copy of the report. I have kind of gone through a similar situation with my son only his father hasn't tried to see him in 3 years because of it, and he was in a very dangerous situation, his stepbrothers were giving him guns and telling him to shoot himself in the leg, and he was only 3 or 4. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

I think you should try and talk to the step-mother and the father together without your daughter there. Tell the step-monster that you remember how hard it is having a little one and that you want to try and make this easier for everyone, so you wrote down the times when the medication should be given and have your daughter write when she takes it. Let the step-monster think that your daughter will write it down so that you can keep up with it, tell her that you know how difficult it can be for children to take it on time. Your husband will find himself checking those times and if they are are screwed up, you will look like the caring concerned mom and the step-monster will look like the careless ***. You must keep it nice though, this is now part of your family. Good luck.

Answer 5

Ah second marriages and stepparents. It's always the same. There are exceptions, but more often than not it's a problem.



From the new wife's perspective, she wants her own family and doesn't want any reminders of her husband's previous family around. This is especially true if he has to pay child support. New wives see that as their money. They don't want to share anything with the old family - either time or money. It's obvious your daughter is not welcome there as far as she is concerned.



The interesting crucial factor here is the dad. When it comes to standing up to their new wives about their old families, husbands are pretty spineless. They don't want to rock the new boat. He probably sees what is going on, but turning a blind eye to it.



So, what can be done?



Tell your exhusband that you need to speak with him about the situation. Once you've told him, ask him for suggestions on what you are both going to do. If you are really concerned about your daughter keeping her relationship with her dad then you need to work something out with him so that he cannot use the excuse it won't work or he didn't know about it.



If there are court appointed visitations at set times you will have to inform the court of the situation if you can't work something out on friendly terms.



Keep your head and don't lose your temper. Don't make this a fight between you and his new wife. You will lose and so will your daughter. If you love your daughter and you want her to maintain a relationship with her father than you must continually remind yourself of your goal.



Good luck.

Answer 6

You should not by any means send her to that house when the father isn't there. She is in physical danger (and mental actually) and you should not send her. Call the lawyer who handled your divorce (or find a new one who deals with child welfare) and get legal documentation so that you do not have to send her unless her father is present the entire time. Her father has visitation so he can spend time with her.........his new wife however does not have visitation, so there is no reason to send her.

Do not send your daughter somewhere that you feel she isn't being taken care of. Your first responsibility is to her, not him. In the meantime, keep a written journal.....an accurate one....of each time she goes there and there's an "incident". This will be useful if you have to go to court.

Answer 7

Change that visitation! Who has more custody? Get a book about children in 2 homes that addresses step-parent expectations, and even ask the doctor to write a note with specific instructions. Let yoru daughter know you lover and hopefully Dad will take control of the situation



Good luck!

Answer 8

i know you asked a while ago but i have my 2 cents to give you. I worked in a family law office but in California, I'm not sure of your states laws but I"d try to talk to both of them first if nothing changes after the talk then I'd say start documentation of the problems and file the paper work for a court order for your visitation situation to be evaluated my a court appointed mediator. As long as you keep your records of the mishaps with your child and take it to court in California your child would be old enough to be asked what her opinion is but like i said I'm not sure of your state. I"d say don't stop the visitations yet because he could use it against you. Get a doctors written statement of her condition and effects of what would happen if her medication is not giving in a timely manner and what the stress effects could be also. also ask your ex's boss your your ex for a copy of his work schedule to show that as a parent he is not utilizing his time with his child. that she's be better off going for vacation time rather than weekends because it just causes stress. Talk to your lawyer too. because he can help you get things going.

Answer 9

Tell your ex that you no longer want your daughter to stay at his house if he's not going to be there. Tell him what is going on and how his witch of a wife is treating your daughter. If he gets mad at you and doesn't believe it than you stand your ground and let him know you no longer will aloud your daughter around that woman. And if he wants to take you to court well than so be it. Unless you are already going through a court order. If so then take him again and tell the judge what is going on. Your daughter shouldn't be afraid to say anything. She needs to let it out! Good luck and I hope it turns out for the best at least for your daughters sake!

Answer 10

i think you got a little problem of you kid not liking the step mom (shes not her mom) and your own personal issues If she is really with holding meds call CPS. Let them deal with it. Yeah with a new baby things get busy and might run a little out of hand , give them some time to learn to get along, reminding your ex that even thought he has a new baby it could help his kid to spend o some time with just her for some 1 on one. trust me we have a crazy house 5 kids here and it took a while to get stuff down want some advice replay to me. I got a 10 yr old step diabetic daughter,8,7, and 6 and 10 months old he has brought them all together with cute things.

Answer 11

The time she spends with the dad - was that given through the court or verbally between u guys? If through the court - I would go and try to change it and let them know he is not with her and what the stepmom is doing. If it was just through you guys then don't send her over. Knowing that the stepmom is not treating her right should be more than enough reason to stop sending her over. I would talk to the dad and let him know what is going on, if he don't want to believe you, have your daughter tell him...if he still don't believe you, then don't send her over!





I am a stepmom and I do my best to treat them as if they were mine, but there are some women out there that don't care, it's not their child. I suggest you to take your daughter out of that situation as soon as possible...she don't need that. If he wants to see her... tell him to pick her up when he is around.

Answer 12

It is so hard when there is a step parent that seems to have a little jealousy going on. Usually they will take it out on the child. You need to get together with him and your daughter and explain and not let her go over there until there is something agreed to. If he is not there , she really does not need to be in that situation. Don't get me wrong there are lot of wonderful step parents out there as well.

Answer 13

I think you need to talk to the dad & step mom together. Bring info from the Dr. as to what will happen if your daughter doesn't get her meds on a regular basis. If you get no where with that go to court and have visition change to supervied where someone will be there in watch whats going on during visits.

Answer 14

Refusing to give the child her medicine is WRONG and it is ILLEGAL. You need to talk to your ex husband AND his wife about it at the same time, and if they refuse to do anything about it, you need to suggest that you are willing to go to court for full custody, even if it's a bluff. It's NOT a laughing matter. She is putting your child in considerable danger, and she needs to be taken off her high horse. If worse comes to worst, DO get a lawyer and sue for full custody. It may be hard on your daughter, but explain to her that her stepmother is hurting her, even if it doesn't seem like it, and if her father's going to be around her stepmother and allow this to go on, her FATHER is hurting her as well. It's better for your daughter to be sad than to be sick.

Answer 15

First don't just call Child Protection Services, make an effort to negotiate with both of them. If you turn them in for abuse you'll open a can of worms that in the end only hurts all parties. In addition you'd ruin your credibility if future incidents arise. Do not use this as an opportunity to get revenge if your angry it will only hurt you. I understand the medication is important as is the schedule your daughter is on. I suggest you talk to them both together and voice your concerns reminding them of her schedule. I'm sure your daughter's ADHD issues complicates her relationship with the stepmother. I'm only guessing how responsible your ex husband is but you may mention to him that your daughter is having difficulty adjusting to the situation and you want to find ways to make it easier for her. I don't want to downplay your concern but making accusations of abuse shouldn't be taken lightly. It will erupt into a huge issue so if at all possible resolve it without going to that extreme. I suggest you ask them what situations your daughter might feel threatened by and how those things can be resolved. My understanding of ADD/ADHD medications is limited but I've heard they can sedate or wire a child in effect messing up a sleep schedule. Her case sounds severe but at ten years old you may want to enlist her help in ensuring her medications are taken properly. At that age she should be able to have some role in this. If it gets heated suggest to the husband that with a new baby things can be intense and maybe he should consider visits apart from others or fewer visits tell everyone has adjusted. If you over react without trying alternatives you'll ruin your credibility with Child Protective Services. Keep a record of the dates and times that you've discussed the issue with them both and the times they've not followed through. Get information on your daughters specific issues and give them that information, keep a file with everything you've done in an effort to resolve the conflict. Let them know how important this is and give your daughter the option of not going. If he's any kind of father it will matter to him if not you may have to accept that your daughter has been displaced by this new addition to his family. If it persists then you pursue more aggressive alternatives and I'd start with suspension of visitation for the father through proper legal channels. Document everything dates and times but give them the information they need to help your daughter succeed. I am a divorced father with two daughters and I'm fortunate that we both work hard to do what is best for them.



If you see any evidence of physical or mental abuse document it through medical examination. Children with your daughters challenges pose unique struggles. I've seen concerned parents use video pre the step family visit and then post the visit to show the discrepancy in behavior. It's a powerful tool if this should go to litigation. If you involve child abuse mediators prematurely you'll look like a bitter ex wife. Another option is getting an attorney and negotiating a contract that holds the father accountable to a contract regarding her medications. I don't have much faith in a father who remarries without telling his first daughter about I'm not optimistic this will resolve quickly. For you daughters sake that is tragic. This is about your daughter and what's best for her if not visiting is what she wants I suggest you let her. At ten years old the courts will consider a child's preference and with what you've said most the responsibility should be on her father to bridge that gap he's created. I am not saying you violate a binding court agreement but I'm suggesting it may be time to renegotiate the custody contract and visitation issues.

Answer 16

hello i am so sorry to hear about your problems, i am in a similar situation. i think that you should go to court and get the agreed weekends stopped, that sounds like a very bad place for your daughter to be. she needs stablity and care, and i guess she won't get it there. is the father saying anything to his wife? do not force your daughter to go there when it can damage her even more.

Answer 17

Have you taken this up with a lawyer?, talking about neglect and abuse of a minor? Stop the visits altogether if you can, for medical reasons and of course if the child does not want to visit then she has every right not to.

Answer 18

You, your daughter and your daughter's father has a communicate on my own. If the step mom is modern-day, this would placed undesirable tension and concern on your 10 twelve months previous daughter for her to no longer offically communicate this. If he does not decide for to communicate this and could no longer fix it. i decide for to advise you preserving her for that weekend. on the comparable time, touch your legal expert and set up a gathering on discussing arragments. you're her mom and your duty to do in spite of you could on your ability to combat on your youngster's protection. whether meaning you revolk his rights to supervision visits or him traveling her at your place. Your daughter has a voice in this too and you're making it sparkling her voice is heard via the choose. My step siblings did a good style of this and whilst they have been 10-15 years of age, that they had a say.

Answer 19

He is endangering your child and you should notify a child protection agency. He is not able to take care of your daughter and he should not have the right to watch over her. You are the parent and you put her in that position, you need to take her out.

Answer 20

you are going to have to sit down with the father and tell him what is going on. if it doesnt stop, have the dad go to the doctor with you so that he can explain things to the stepmom and dad. it could be that the stepmom doesnt believe that the child needs the meds and that you are keeping her on meds that she doesnt need. she needs to be told by somebody that she will believe that the meds have to be given at a certain time and its ruining her schedule.



if it doesnt stop and the child is not getting her meds on time, then child protection services needs to be called.

Answer 21

If she's not giving her medicine on schedule you need to notify Child Protective Services (or what ever they call it in your state). She could be seriously endangering your daughter's health!

Answer 22

we are the mother, and we want the best for our child,i think its better that your kids live with you ,for you can sure, that's she fine . I'm 32 years old and i am the mother of three i been single parent since 1994 if your worried about your child, let her stay with you

Answer 23

It's court ordered she sees her FATHER right? Not the wife... If he's out of town, she shouldn't have to go over to their house. If he, as a father, is not protecting his child, you need to report it to the court.

Answer 24

I would let him see your daughter until he can change he's work, as far as the stepmother, turn her in to CPS, she's putting your daughter in danger

Answer 25

Get in touch with your dr. Tell him what's up. Call your divorce attorney. Tell him. Let them help you keep your daughter safe.

Answer 26

you NEED to tell you ex husband and if he thinks you'r lieing tell child servises, and dont let your daughter go to his house till you do! She can be harmed SERIOUSLY!

Answer 27

somehow get evidence of what is happening call the police and report her your Daugherty should not have to pay for the consequences of the grow up

Answer 28

try telling your ex-husband what's happening to his daughter. If he doesn't understand then well, you tried.

Answer 29

Tell your husband what is happening, and if he argues, let him know child services will be checking on her.

Answer 30

you need to follow your own maternal instincts and not rely upon strangers to tell you what to do.do not be afraid to do what you think is right , and do not hesitate to do it.what are you sitting here for when you could make your own decisions?

Answer 31

get a micro tape recorder and give it to your daughter to put in her pocket and get the creep on tape

Answer 32

Refusing to give a child his/her medicine

is wrong and illegal.You should report her.

Answer 33

set up a family meeting talk about it

Answer 34

ok 1st B!@#$ slap that crackhead then tell your babys dad