I need help teaching my 9yr old daughter to stand up for herself, and stop being so hard on herself?

Question

I need help teaching my 9yr old daughter to stand up for herself, and stop being so hard on herself?

Answer 1

scott w is right make a real big deal out of stuff plus get her in karate make it a thing that you an her do not the other kids brag on her when she can hear it but not in front of her as always tell her how pretty she is an how smart how fast she runs or how good she can dance any thing to build her up..also give her control of some thing make her the boss an tell the older ones that what she says goes but give them control also of some thing...but try the karate thing just you an her i bet both of you like it...

Answer 2

Instead of telling her anything, how about asking her, "How does it make you feel when your brother does X?" or "How do you feel when you erase your homework?"



Feelings and emotions are unique to every individual, and she just may be seeing the world from a totally different perspective than you. Just because she caves doesn't mean she's wrong. You need to find out how she sees her world.



And by the way, I think it takes a lot of self-esteem to hand out compliments to others. Those will poor self-esteem rarely do it, unless they want something. So, consider that perhaps she's got a healthy dose, and there is something else motivating her.

Answer 3

Well, I've learned with my 8 year old that you are her role model. Therefore if she sees you doing it, she will do it too.

Otherwise, seek couceling.......

Or activities that make her frustrated. Believe me she'll say something.

Answer 4

Give her "meaningless" task to do around the house....when they are complete....praise the crap out of her......Take her outside and make her lift something heavy....or something she thinks is hard and push her through it....as she does stuff liike this she will come to realize that little things that she thinks are tough she can make it through.

Answer 5

Don't push her. 9 can be a hard age. Even if she's still young. She may have OCD. But don't listen to me seriously. I'm guessing. Don't push her, but your ides about the journal, good ones

Answer 6

She has two siblings - have you talked to them about how their behavior affects her? They need to take some responsibility for their actions, especially when their actions negatively affect other people.



At nine, she needs the influence of both parents. Mom needs to be a role model and stand firm, being assertive when needed. Dad needs to coach and generally affirm her abilities. (Be careful here - you don't want to say "That was a great paper" if she might have agonized over it for hours, but say "You're a great writer" to recognize her ability to do it well.)



Is she the middle or oldest child? Is she naturally reserved and introverted? Does she feel alienated or is she okay with not having close friends?



If she won't talk even if something is bothering her, and she's only 9 (not 19), she's learned that it's not worth it to speak up. Then it's a downward cycle - she isn't heard, so she feels like she doesn't matter, which leads her to feel that she isn't any good. She needs some coaching on ways to express herself.



This is a family issue - she needs unconditional love and acceptance, and possibly professional help. You might want to talk to a child psychologist. At the very least, a specialist will be able to determine how serious this might be with just a phone call. Good luck!