Teach your child to fight back?

Question

I have many friends telling their kids that if someone in school hit you or bully you, you must fight back. I told them i don't agree with them, and don't think that is the right way. They then told me that what they are doing is right, they don't want their kid to be coward. Am i wrong or they are?

Answer 1

well, i think u should teach your child to take a stand for themselves. i was bullied throughout elementary school. i was jumped by 10 girls. if only someone taught me that it would of been okay to take a stand for myself than.



i don't think u r wrong though, i just think your life experiences taught u that it is not okay. while mine taught me about how mean kids can be to each other for no reason.

Answer 2

We recently had an incident with our 6 year old at school.. Some children were picking on him and he did not know what to do, he wouldn't say anything to them and he didn't mention it to his teacher or his dad and I until one day he just cried and was determined he was not going to school. I sat down with him and he told me what had been going on in class. I called the principal and he had all of the students come to his office and he explained the problem they were told not to do it again. Since then my husband and I have told him that if this happens again raise his hand in class and let the teacher know that you need to tell her something this way the class doesn't know and he doesn't feel like a tatle tail, and also we want him to tell us as soon as we are together after school so that we can catch things before they really bother him. We do not want thim to fight with the other children but I also do not want him to hold it in and not tell anyone

Answer 3

YES,AND NO.sometimes kids are literally put into a situation where they have no choice but to defend for theirselves.but telling mask the problems and make it worst at times.both children have to get counseling at school about why their fighting in the first place. I tell my kids to only fight if its totally neccessary.sorry to say,but walking away leaves for another bullieing time,the problem must be solved immediately as soon as your kid says someone is bothering him,or her. good luck.

Answer 4

I think that every person is going to view this differently and that there are different situation all the time that would require different actions.



I tell my kids to stand up for themselves. If its verbally or physcial.

I always tell them to try not to resort to name calling or being mean back in words but to say something that shows that they are not affected like "i dont care" or "that is your opinion"



as for physical if they are hit on purpose and getting beat up then yes fight back! I NEVER encourage starting a fight. And if they are able to get out of a fight then go and run away. But if its just someone being a bully - I don't want them to be afraid.



My stepdaughter was always afraid. She had people pick on her all through grade school. Never stuck up for herself. She never learned how to to now that she's 15.

Answer 5

It is important for children to be able to defend themselves if they are in a no-way-out situation but at school they need to be able to get help without retaliating.

Once they retaliate or fight back, then they have engaged in a "fight" and are no longer an innocent victim.

It will also make it difficult for the school administration to identify and punish the real bullies once the children retaliate and fight back.

Additional comments - reading through the comments from parents I see now why it is so hard for schools to get to the root of bullying problems. Whenever a student "buys into" a problem by fighting, they make the situation worse, and it becomes a nightmare to sort through the he did it first allegations.

Having said that, if you are in the unfortunate situation where the school does not resolve a bullying issue remember to take it to the district superintendant or even the police~ then there WILL be action.

Answer 6

You are, do you want your child to be the one who lays on the floor while someone is kicking him in the face!! Of course you don't, I teach mine that by NO means is fighting the answer BUT don't let some mean kid beat the crap out of you, I tell them to let an adult know and everything but when it comes down to it, if some bully is beating up on my babies....I hope they punch him/her in the mouth, otherwise the bully Will NEVER stop, once the bully finds a child who will take their abuse, they will always choose that child because they know they can get away with it, all the way through high school. Don't let your child get beat up because they think they will get in trouble by you, kids are vicious nowadays and our children have to be ready to protect themselves that's all. I don't condone fighting but I do condone standing up for yourself...Good luck.

Answer 7

I was told as a child to never start a fight. My mother always said that if you are in a situation where you feel you must stand up for yourself, then fight. She told me even if I got in trouble in school for fighting back I would never get in trouble at home as long as it was self defense. If I ever started a fight, or picked on someone it would be a whole different story.



I think bullies are the way they are because no one stands up to them. I will teach my child to try and get out in any situation, but if there is no way out, to make sure they teach the kid a lesson.



I know it is harsh and who wants to support violence, but I don't want my child to be a target.

Answer 8

You are perfectly right, good for you for standing up to those Hate Breeders! It is much better to teach your child NOT to fight but give him skills in handling a situation in other ways. It always scares me, as a person who works with children, and a lot of "at risk" kids, when parents tell children that. Why? I've never come across one parent that has EVER explained situationality to their child. Often I hear bully's say "my Dad told me I had to stand up for myself."



Should you child know that if someone is about to hospitalize him or her and there is no other way out to defend themselves, sure.



How far do these ignorant and irresponsible parents go? Should their child fight back for other people? Over name calling? A misunderstood joke? Because someone is better than them in Phys Ed class and they now feel humiliated? Because someone said they liked someone else and now the child is mad?



Good for you for standing up to these people!



What happens if the child doesn't learn different when he/she grows up? Aggravated assault is a still a criminal charge as is man-slaughter and self-defense is difficult to prove when it comes to murder.



I've also seen children initial the fight verbally or through non-verbal cues, and provoke the "bully" into hitting. Few children grasp what starting a fight is.



I work with teens who have been or are in gangs (along with other kids as well) one of the first things they'll tell me is that the lowest rung members will target those who fight back. Why? To build up their status of being a good fighter and getting practice. Most bullies will not back away from those who fight back, many feel they need to try harder to control that child. Teaching your child does not give sure fire protection from the same thing in the future. If there is more than one person fighting them, fighting back can endanger their lives as it pumps up the aggressors.



There is no easy way to handle the topic, but those who think that the child fighting back solves it, are naive.

Answer 9

I am a teacher and I have come across this problem a few times. I have had parents come to me and say that they teach their child to defend themselves if someone picks on them. My rule in my classroom (kindergarten) is that no matter what the reason is, if one of the children hit another they get time-out. That is what I also tell the parents. Hitting is not alright, but I am not their childs parent. If they want to teach them to "defend" themselves, then fine. But they have to be willing to accept the consiquences of time-out and possibly suspension.

Answer 10

It depends on alot.

It took me along time to fight back. My parents and brother kept trying to tell me to and I wouldn't, I would sit in the corner with my arms over my head while 4 or 5 people beat on me. Not one action was ever taken against them, even if I went to the principle. The Dean of students would walk by and see it happening and do nothing.



Then one day when just one girl tried to jump on me, I fought back and knocked her tooth out. The school gave me alot- in house suspension, detention, all that, because I was white and she mexican they said it was a hate crime.



So ever since then, I fought back, and got into trouble.



The moral is, you can't rely on the school system to help.

Sometimes they will. But sometimes they won't. There is nothing wrong with fighting back and there is nothing wrong with not fighting back. It was more gradifying to fight back, but it was also more dangerous.

Answer 11

Generally speaking fighting back doesnt work so well-most kids who will fight back do it automatically and those who dont cant fight well enough to fight back. Children who fight with each other are going to result in you being called to the school to pick up your child. No one wants a child to be cowardly but many times there are other ways to deal with bullies and teasers. Children should be taught to use words at least until they are actively attacked.

Answer 12

I think that ur both right lol. I think that if and only if it comes down to it should u fight back. And you do know there is ways you can depend yourself without having to hit them back?

Answer 13

I think you are wrong, Why set your kid up to be abused? If someone hits him he should hit back. Although never throw the first punch. This way he won't be viewed as a sissy, and won't be a target for the bullies. Every kid should know a little bit about self defense, it's a tough world out there.

Answer 14

I have a 7 y/o boy. I always say if someone bothers you, Tell them to stop. If they dont and bother you again, tell the teacher. If the teacher doesnt do anything about it, then you handle it. If he does all the above and still gets bullied/hit/picked up, he has to fight back. Plain and simple.I dont condone fighting, but when all else fails, then you do what you have to do.

Answer 15

Depends upon morals... I'd say a no-go on the fighting back. It's dangerous. There are always other ways to deal.

Answer 16

well depends.......... i wouldnt teach my kids (if i had any, i'm 13) to fight some1 if they look at u the wrong way..... but if some1 punched them first or tried to get them to do something they didnt want to do (like sex or something like that) then they could fight back...

Answer 17

No matter who hits first or last, it's not allowed in school. I think self defense can be used in extreme circumstances but I think it's best to just walk away.

Answer 18

both are better it depends on the parent i tell my girls to fight back

Answer 19

I say let the child decide what he wants. Tell him its ok to fight but also tell him its ok to just walk away. Give him the choice.

Answer 20

DEAR

YES

PUT THEM IN KARATE CLASSES FOR SELF DEFIANCE OK

TAKE CARE

Answer 21

Your right don't worry.