My child refuses to go to school. Help!?

Question

My 6 year old daughter is generally a happy, kind and compliant little girl until it comes time for school. While she tolerates school when she's there, she hates the thought of going and often outright refuses to go. Last year it became so bad that I ended up pulling her out on recommendation of a councilor. This woman said that since Kindergarten is not mandatory we should take her out and try again for grade 1 when she would be more ready to attend. At home, I successfully homeschooled her so that she would be more prepared for the next year. Now, one year later, my daughter is refusing to go again. She becomes hysterical if we force her (kicking and screaming) and it is traumatic for everyone. I have a young son and a baby to care for who are not in school but must accompany us for the drive down to the school. I am at the point now where I refuse to forcefully make her attend for this reason. My husband and I have spoken to her teacher and the principal about the situation but there is nothing we can see that is causing her difficulties at school (bullies etc.). When we ask her, my daughter cannot provide a reason for not wanting to go. We are at our wits end. She is normally very agreeable and we never have these battles around any other activity. I am considering home-schooling her again if this continues. Could anyone offer any relevant suggestions or advice on this matter?

Answer 1

Sounds like she somehow developed a phobia of school. It could be a fear of separation with you or maybe she's spoiled in that area? It's really difficult to tell what to do since you have no idea what is making her so scared of school. Maybe you could give a lift to school to one of her friends, as suggested in a previous post. She might be prompted to act more grown up in front of her friend or have fun in the car journey which would deter her attention from her phobia. or maybe she thinks u took her out the first time so u'll do it again in which case you need to insist. Funny thing is you say she tolerates it when she's there, so it cannot be that bad, so maybe you just need to force her to go and hopefully in time she'll stop kicking up a fuss when she realises it isn't changing anything.



To the mom of the 13 year old in particular: that's definitely not normal at that age. Was he being bullied?

Answer 2

The bottom line is that she has to go to school and her behavior is totally unacceptable. Just because she is well behaved other times does not mean that in this situation she should get away with her bad behavior. Letting your daughter stay home from school for a year because she doesn't like it is a big step and gives her the feeling that she can do whatever she wants. She sounds very spoiled. You need to nip this in the bud by punishing her whenever she acts this way.



You should give a long serious talk first and make sure she understands that if she continues to act this way she will be punished. Hopefully that will solve the problem, but she will likely test you again. When she does follow through and punish her in whatever way works best in your household. I recommend spanking her very soundly every time she does this and making her understand that such horrible behavior will always result in a spanking. If, after her spanking she still kicks and screams, spank her again. She has to understand that her behavior is not okay and you will absolutely NOT tolerate it. Any deviance on your part from following through will only make it worse since she will learn that she can get away with anything!



It will likely take a few times for her to get the message, but be consistent with whatever punishment you choose. Spanking would be effective in this case because it quickly gets the job done and then she still goes to school, whereas taking away a toy or other like punishments will only take effect after she would return from school and you still have to put up with the kicking and screaming until then.

Answer 3

My son was like this. When he was in kindergarten it was like pulling teeth to get him to go. We ended up having to take him to outside counseling. The counselor worked on his issues with being around other children he didn't know and found out that at some point he was bullied at the beginning of school and didn't want to say anything because he was afraid of making the other kid mad at him. He was also afraid of not making any friends. She worked with him every other day, and he is eleven now and perfectly fine. This might not be the case with your daughter, but maybe she has other fears that she doesn't want to share with you. An outside counseler might be able to get her to open up. My son still sees his counselor every three months just to make sure he is doing fine.

Answer 4

properly, it may count quantity he unattended and finally dropped out. you should attempt homeschooling him. that's what my mum and dad did with my brother, he became into too sensible for the same old public faculties and have been given picked on lots... ultimately he in basic terms did no longer choose to flow. So now he's homeschooled. and that they have a team of rather stable structures, even once you're working. SOS, switched on schoolhouse is all on the laptop. you rather do no longer might desire to do a ingredient.

Answer 5

What if someone else picked her up and took her to school instead of you taking her there? Someone like a friend that she could ride to school with? Maybe that would make the drop-off more pleasant for her. I don't think removing her from school would be a good idea as all you are teaching her is that if she doesn't like something she can throw a fit and get out of doing it.

Answer 6

My 13 year old son is also like that. When it's time for school he cries and screams and my husband and I took him out for school and started homeschooling him and he likes it a lot so maybe try it again.

Answer 7

Might be time to talk to the professionals.



Often a social worker or psychologist can sort out things like this.



You're not the first with this issue :)

Answer 8

This sounds so mean but it really works trust me!

If she dosent wanna go or get dressed, grabed a set of clothes pack them in her back pack and take her in her pjs. shes going to realize she looks silly and stands out... and she will soon get the idea that you are not going to put up with her braty behavor.

Answer 9

at such an age children cannot reason and understand the purpose of something as they can't reason for the future.

thus, you must reason with them and make them understand why they should go to school.

maybe, showing a photo of a hobo, and showing a photo of a successful person, (in this case for you're daughter, could be of a pretty person), and asking them which one they would rather be, may show some reasoning why they should go to school.

in this case, they must understand that going to school will result in becoming successful rather than not going to school.



point being, they must be reasoned with and understand the point.

Answer 10

Here is a link.

Many positive comments it might be good



http://www.ehow.com/how_4900758_children-to-school.html



This was a related link on the bottom of the first one this might help if she has other problems

http://childparenting.about.com/od/discipline/a/gaincompliance.htm

Answer 11

She has to go. Force her. She'll realize that she can't fight and put up with it like we all have. I'm fairly certain that none of us wanted to go to school when we were her age.