How do you boost an 8 yr olds confidence? Pos ratings & 10pts?

Question

My son just turned 8 yesterday and I have noticed over the years that when something becomes difficult for him he just says he cannot do it and refuses to try. He does have ADHD but he is usually well behaved and gets along with other children very well. He does not like to play sports if he is not the winner and today when we played with knex (lego like building toys) he said it was too hard and he wanted to wait until he is older to play. He cannot ride a bike without training wheels and I have tried to teach him every year, I used to run a daycare camp and have taught many children to ride a bike in many different ways but he refuses to get on it after the first failed attempt. I do help him with anything he needs and worry I may be babying him but he has been my only child until now that I am expecting. I try reinforcement and encouragement and always teach him that a positive attitude is like magic- believe it can be done and it will. I also remind him that he can do whatever he puts his mind too and that even pros have to learn and practice. Is anyone else going through this? Any suggestions? Thank you all in advance, I will choose a best answer asap and give pos ratings to all answers :)

Answer 1

Well first off I think it is wonderful you are not PUSHING him into dong things. I think that would be one of the worst things you could do.



My only boy and youngest is 7. He use to say "I can't" or "it is too hard" and stuff like that & it worried me. I told him as long as I saw he tried his best that was all that mattered.



I don't remember which movie it was that we watched but it had a song saying "Never say never".



Here it is - It is from AN AMERICAN TAIL



Youtube link - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql1IFJwF0SQ



My son enjoyed the movie and the song. He started singing it and if he heard someone say NEVER he'd start singing the song.



Since then it has stuck with him. He still has trouble at times when he loses a game or has trouble doing something, but he keeps trying.



Does your son play a lot of games? Board games or video games? I play a lot of board games with my kids. This is a good way to learn to be a good loser & also helps you feel great when you do win.



Videos personally I feel they are a good thing. One of the first games my son played was TOON TOWN on Disney Online. We have been members of the game for about 4yrs. It helped my oldest learn to read better and also helps boost confidence.



I strongly suggest you try it with your son. It is a safe and fun site, kids see their TOONS progress through the game & learn to help others.



Now in the game your son's TOON could "get sad" which is in nicer way to say they lost their hit points or as the game says LAFF points. But I love the way the game shows it is as going from SAD to HAPPY. Does this make any sense? lol



My son loves playing with KNEX. He takes after my husband who is an engineer but KNEX may not be for everyone. I'm sure even I couldn't build things the way my son does.



Look at your son and help him find a passion and hobby. He may be good at reading, drawing, playing games, a sport and so on. Just look at what he does in his spare time and work on that.



As with learning I feel if the activity makes them happy the more the child will benefit from it. So your son may not be a bike rider. He may like a skate board, skates or something else.



Just work with him and help him find his passion. I'm sure once you do that he'll soar through it. ; )

Answer 2

First, your child will eventually grow out of it. Some kids mature slower. Mine did.



Break down things to the smallest possible activity.



I started with my son by showing him how a baby crawls and then asked him why the baby wasn't walking. He'll say cause he's a baby and he can't. Then make it personal and say, why are you walking? Cause I'm not a baby / Cause I learned how / etc etc etc.



Ask the question.. Can that baby run? child should respond with No. Why? if he can't walk, how can he run... From then you make it personal again.. Did you run before you walked?



You've worked with children so you get the picture. Show them examples and then make it personal. They get it, they understand.



Then you can break every task down to its simplest form. Throwing a ball starts with rolling a ball back and forth, then tossing it with a few bounces.. then one bounce then no bounces. Before long they are catching it without even notice they are doing it.



Riding a bike is different because falling is painful and a lasting experience. There is balance, steering, pedaling. It's not easy. Let them use the training wheels as long as necessary. They will know when it is time to move on. Desire becomes the motivation to move past the fear of failing.

Answer 3

You need to show him that things like building blocks aren't too hard. Don't let him give up so easily - you can help him until he gets the hang of it and then he'll feel great about himself once he can do it alone.



You can also get him involved in something where there aren't "winners" - such as karate. It teaches discipline while getting your child to be active. Sports where kids directly compete probably wouldn't be ideal.



Is he interested in anything in particular? Our 6 year old son loves ships. My husband builds model ships with him on Sundays and I just love seeing how proud our son is about the work he does.

Answer 4

Some kids(people) Just don't have the ability to push through on there own. All you can do is try to teach them to look at different methods for problems. Its not a matter of self confidence. Be supportive and keep pushing a little. Using every example of accomplishment especially when he thought he couldn't do it. My teenage son was and is the same way. He has success at what ever he does but getting him to believe and try it is a constant battle.