Help! my 11 year old has a boyfriend! should i allow this?

Question

my 11 year old daughter, Grace, has a boyfriend! she's only going into 6th grade. he's very nice and polite. they've never done anything more than hug and hold hands. i've always known i'd have to deal with this fairly soon with her, because ever since kindergarten, she's been a "boy-magnet". she's very pretty, and i'm not just saying that because i'm her mother. their "relationship" seems harmless enough, but recently, she's been asking me if she can go on a date with him, possibly to the movies, bowling, or glow golf! i'm afraid that if i'm not careful, this will get out of hand. also, her friends' mothers have been looking down upon me, saying that i'm being irresponsible, and not strict enough, for letting her have a boyfriend at this young age. what should i do?

Answer 1

Seriously you should take the advice from me... I am a 14 year old girl and the people who have answered this are much ollder



see were in a VERY different generation i had my first boyfriend in 6th grade too dont worry going out "dates" is nothing we just sit and actually watch the movie (dont worry no kissing)



i think you cant tell you child who to like/love and you should just let her go i mean i bet there are MANY kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends in 6th grade (at least in my school everyone did) by telling her that she cant have a boyfriend just ruins the trust between you and her because she will think you dont think she is mature enough and will think you treat her like a baby (unless that is what you want her to think)

as long as you have her tell you like whats going on in there relationship i think you should be fine seriously just let it go... i doubt it will last for long anyways

Answer 2

11 Year Old Boyfriend

Answer 3

You are her mother, screw what the other mothers think....11 year olds are alot more mature then they were years ago. Kids are curious....I'd say let them spend time together, under supervision....let them "think" they are alone, in the living room, while u keep an ear and eye out to make sure they are behaving...never allow them in the bedroom with door closed...because boys are little perves < I know, I've got one haha>....as far as a date....I'd say go with them....sit away from them at the movies, or if they go bowling, just kind of fade into the background, dont smother her....or you could have a friend or relative of yours go and keep an eye out, without telling her....that way she thinks shes on a legit date...there are lots of things you can do without telling her flatout no, and dealing with the drama 11 year olds can bring:)

Answer 4

I went on my first "date" when I was 11!!! I went to the movies to see "Ghost" hahahahaha.... It was so cute, coz we were both innocent and all we ever did was hold hands. Fond memories! I even remember the boy's name!



I think it's ok. My mum has since told me that she actually came to the movie too, sat up the back and kept an eye on us, but I never noticed her and neither did my little boyfriend! hehehe



Just maintain supervision when they are together. Be casual about it - like if they are sitting in your lounge room watching a movie together, pop in unexpectedly now and then and ask them if they want a drink or something to eat. Obviously, don't let them go in her room together, make them stay out in a "general" area of the house where you can keep an eye on them.



Ignore the other mothers - they sound like judgemental cows! They are probably just jealous of your beautiful little girl.



I see nothing wrong with this, as long as she knows there are certain rules she needs to stick to, and what is appropriate behaviour for an 11 year old.



Let her enjoy it - as I said earlier, I have some lovely memories of my first boyfriend - he pecked me on the cheek and I blushed furiously and couldn't look him in the eye for the rest of the day! bahahahaha! I'm sure she's equally innocent and sweet.



Also, you should enjoy it now, coz it's not always going to be this uncomplicated! LOL

Answer 5

LOL! NO!



My children are not allowed to date one on one until age 16 and if my daughter informed me she had a boyfriend (she is going into 7th) I would tell her they can go on group outings only or be supervised by an adult and that she is not allowed to get serious about him at all.



So...she can say she has a boyfriend but really it is like claiming you are ``going together`` at school. As long as she is very clear that this is NOTHING -- that it is MAKE BELIEVE -- that DATING is for adults looking for someone to maybe marry it should be okay.



I can understand a little bit the other mothers looking down on you though they are very impolite to say so. I am sure they are worried for their daughters.



Another suggestion -- I make sure my daughter is dressed modestly and not showing off her body in short shorts or skirts; low cut tops; skimpy dresses and swimsuits; low rider pants; etc. Her clothes are fashionable but leave something to the imagination. Also I encourage her to concentrate on school and her friends instead of boys.



That way she is a bit less of a boy magnet.



Might be helpful.

Answer 6

If you want a boyfriend so bad, then I highly recommend following this https://bitly.im/aOmyb Since you've never dated or been kissed before, it's going to be hard to get a boyfriend if you don't know what to do but once you know what to do, you'll be able to get a boyfriend pretty easily and can share your dating stories with your friends and experience those feelings yourself. You'll even be able to attract guys you might feel is out of your league. I suggest going on a bunch of dates before choosing one guy to be your boyfriend. Have fun.

Answer 7

You are right 11 years old is very young TOO YOUNG She shouldn't be dating at that age. Sit down and talk with your daughter. Make it clear that you don't want this to be a serious thing and he can be a friend and a friend only. If they want to go out, go with them and maybe even let her invite other friends. Be careful about the type of effection they are showing each other. ALthough 11 is young, children do start to explore at that age.



The best you can do is have a serious talk with her and don't be hard on her and make sure she clearly understands that you aren't trying to be mean to her and that she needs to understand that she is very young and doesn't need anything serious.

Answer 8

You should let her. First of all, at 6th grade, relationships are harmless. No one hardly ever goes past the point of holding hands and hugging, like you said they were doing. Second, there's really no way you can stop her from going on a date with him- if you say no, she'll find a way whether you like it or not, and you'll probably never even know it happened. The best thing to do is tell her to be open with you about it, and things will be fine.

Answer 9

i have an 11 year old. she has had a few crushes and she did ask me if she could go on a "date" with one little boy.

i took them to see that waterhorse movie. i see no problem with a "date" as long as you or one of the boys parents are chaperoning. she's only 11 after all and i'm pretty sure that there is nothing you need to worry about. puppy love is cute and as long as a parent is there, i don't see a problem. and who cares what her friends mothers think? she is your kid and you know her better than anyone else if you think that it's harmless then it likely is. nobody can call you an irresponsible parent for taking you daughter and a friend (even if it is a boy) out to play mini golf.

Answer 10

Honestly, I don't think kids should be dating before 14-16, depending on maturity. SHE may think it's innocent enough, but there's no real way to know unless you monitor them EVERYWHERE, including at school. SO much goes on at schools, yes, amongst people her age. You just never know whether it is or isn't innocent, and it's probably better to err on the side of caution.

So many kids even at 11 and 12, are very good at manipulating adults. You may see a nice and polite boy, but that may not be the reality.

Answer 11

I am going through the exact same thing with my 11 year old daughter.

She likes this boy and he comes over to the house and they play video games and when he was on vacation he bought her a necklace and her face just lite up...anyway...she too asked if she could go to a movie with him and I said "no"and now she is mad but the way I see it is he can come over and they can hang out in my living room and see each other at school and just be friends.

The reason is because she is only 11...she isn't even a teenager yet....so I figure she has plenty of time to find herself boyfriends but right now is a time for her to enjoy being a kid and having her friends...not sitting by the phone waiting for her boyfriend to call.

I just want her to take her time and I am afraid that if I we're to say yes it would just open a whole knew can of worms that neither her or myself are prepared for.

Do what you feel is right but I say just let them be friends....I know they want to grow up fast but to me 11 is just way too fast.

Either way you decide to go I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 12

At her age she is too immature and too irresponsible for a boyfriend. I have an 11 year old daughter and it will be a cold day in hell before I ALLOW her to have a boyfriend.

Answer 13

You're right, it's not your business. It's also not a law enforcement matter. Who says he is her "boyfriend?" Could it be that the kids are simply friends who enjoy hanging out together? Have you looked in their windows to see what they're doing? Maybe they're doing SE mad Satanic ritual. Or maybe they're playing Go Fish and watching Disney movies. What's NOT normal, or healthy, in this scenario is your prurient interest. Go back to your Internet porn.

Answer 14

well, if you want advice from a 14 year old. your daughter is

one of my peer's from afar :-p. hahaha anyways, yes allow her to "date him". honestly she probably has no idea what anything other than holding hands & hugging is. i didnt know about any of that stuff until 7th grade health. or atleast i didnt know it in detail. your daughter is fine, and i think its adorable she has a boyfriend ! as for dating, glow golf is probably the best choice. movie's is a little young for her, and if she see's anyone else there with their boyfriend or girlfriend, she may feel the need to live up to those expectations. especially if they arent "watching the movie" however, dont let her get TOO involved with this guy, because if for some reason she has to deal with a breakup, things might get ugly. goodluck!

Answer 15

Im 10 and im gonna tell you this. LET THEM DATE its harmless dont worry. If you tell her they cant date she's just gonna do it behind your back. Tell her what's appropeite for her relationship right now (I.E Hugging,holding hands ect) Dont let your pride get in the way if you say no she will continue dating him and it will become serious so fast that when shes 12 she would have lost her virginity to him. Now calm down and let them be

Answer 16

My daughter has only had ONE boyfriend and she is 16 She was allowed to have FRIENDS until we meet and spend time with them now. Maybe wrong or maybe right but she is happy and doesn't have to depend on someone else to make her that way!

Answer 17

one step at a time.



talk to her. give her a set of rules. At that age maybe a chaperone like older brother or sister or parents. Tell her shes too young for certain things like kissing and getting closer than a hug. Be open and honest with her. She her trust.



LEt them go but go along. Maybe a different table ro area but close enought to watch.

Answer 18

This is a tough question. I think I would slow this down. I definately would not let them go on a date alone. I would have a parent there. Set an age and let her understand that is the rule for dating. Don't be wishy washy about it or you may be a grandparent way before you want to be one.

Answer 19

i don't know i guess my mom was dumb or something. i was allowed to "date "at 11 nothing like what happens today. We always went out in groups of 6 or more and there was always at least two adults where we went. it gives your child a chance to be friends with boys and gives you a chance to say okay this is how they should treat you. start them early with this lesson.

Answer 20

well, i'll say that i was going on dates when i was in 5th grade. i think it's different depending on class/part of the country, but where i came from in virginia it was not so abnormal.



i don't recall being able to go to the movies or anything like glow golf which sounds like it's outside at night and by themselves, but i do remember spending a lot of time at his house (mother there, of course) and being allowed to have dates at the mall.



i was very innocent and so was my boyfriend, we were nervous even to hold hands. but you're the mom, whatever feels right in your heart is what you should do. listen to your gut, that's the best advice you can get.



oh and do me a favor-- tell those other moms to go duck themselves.

Answer 21

Not at 11 years old. If the boy wants to come over when you are home and hang out that's one thing. But she is too young to have a boyfriend. Way too young.

Answer 22

I think 11 is too young to have a boyfriend - she should be focusing on school instead, there is plenty of time for a boyfriend later on down the track.



If the "relationship" isn't serious then maybe suggesting that they just be friends instead

Answer 23

i recemend letting her go out with him as long as its harmless-if you prevent her she'll simply get angry with you, and maybe still try to go on a date with him without telling you...

why don't you suggest a "group" date? how about a few of her friends and a few of his friends (plus them of course) could go minigolfing? also as long as their keeping it G (hugs and holding hands) i think its FINE! People really think 11 years old is younger than it is, of course its too young for anything serious, but you have crushes then and such...

Answer 24

It depends on how old the boy is! But puppy love is just what it is. She needs to know that she can attract boys, to build her self esteem and confidence.



At that age, all "dates" must be chaperoned, take place in the daytime, be to a place where there are other parents with their kids on a "date", like a roller skating rink or amusement park. Never alone!

Answer 25

She's a little girl and he's a little boy.

Little girls and little boys are not old enough to deal with the boyfriend/girlfriend thing...unless you are ready for years and years and years of drama in your house.

All the best.

Answer 26

While she is as young as she is, I would say 'no'. At this stage, the relationship is in fact 'harmless', but then what does that show her about real relationships? She will believe that all relationships are not important, and eventually, she will either hurt someone who likes her a lot, or she will get caught in a bad place.

Answer 27

No dates until they`re 16 in my house...they have to drive themselves to a date. 11 is wayyy to young. Let kids be kids. I think at this age their mimicking teenagers, I don`t think their really attracted to one another yet.

Answer 28

i let my daughter have a boyfriend as early as she wanted. she is now going into 7th grade and has a serious relationship with a 9th grader!! but we don't let them date, she recently asked me if they could go to the movies, we are letting them go but i am going.



but i will let her date when she turns 13. i had a boyfriend when i was 13 and i could date, he is now my husband at age 41.i wouldn't want to prevent her from anything like that.

Answer 29

make sure they are chaperoned 100% of the time.

I do know of 11 yr olds having sex,

Just don't leave them alone.

And maybe tune out the boyfriend from most of the family activities. You don't want her to start at this young to think she has to always have a man around.

Answer 30

If she thinks she is ready than she is. it isn't a matter of "not allowing it" it is a matter of discussing it with her, to see if she thinks that is really what she wants, or if she is just giving into peer pressure. 11 year olds, aren't "children anymore, they are preteens, and they are starting to make small discussions on their own. if that helps!

Answer 31

Years ago this was known as "Puppy love". You should know the routine, you get a puppy for the child to take care of,after a while the child loses interest and you take care of the puppy.

Answer 32

ok i was in sixth grade no too many months ago and this is what a relationship is at this age. they hang out. go to the park. hug . hold hands. and in my school, they kiss too.

my one friend told me she went super far with her boyfriend in sixth grade on her birthday. im not saying anymore about that.

lets say it was serious.



anyway. you have every right to be worried.

you cant say that she cant date him.

you have to have trust. dont depend on age.

you should sit down and talk to her about you trusting her with a boyfriend and what she can and cant do with him.

you should also learn to trust the boy.



yeah im 12 but deep. smart too :)



dont get too worried. but you have every right to be.

hope that helped!

Answer 33

Good Golly Miss Molly - Of Course Not!

Answer 34

As long as they dont have you-know-what (sorry i just love saying that phrase), and you supervise their dates, its OK. By supervise i dont mean sit right next to them in the theater, sit away from them but keep an eye on them.

Answer 35

dont listen 2 those ladies! let her have a boyfriend. believe me it is harmless! she'll get tried of him and find another later when shes older.its her 1st boyfriend. let her have her fun! a movie date or bowling or whatever is in public so they cant do anything u dont want them 2 do! just dont worry! b/c ur being a worry-wort!

Answer 36

He should definetly go out on a date don t be so secure but don t let them sleep with each other yet

Answer 37

if you do let them out on a date, make sure you guys are there. as much as you say they are harmless, you can never be too sure nowadays.

take them bowling, to a park, etc.

but honestly, i wouldn't let my kid have a BF at her age.

Answer 38

It's probably harmless, but make it clear that they are too young to go on dates.

Answer 39

well watever u do don't brake them up becuz she would never 4 give u 4 that i wasn't allowed to date till this year and im 15 i would be careful and not let her go out on a date wit out u or another adult being there and who cares how aother people look at u its ur kid u do wat u think is best 4 her don't worry bout them all i no is if u didn't let her date now then she would go behind ur bak and do it thats wat i did .

Answer 40

you should allow them to date

Answer 41

I wouldn't let my kid date that early. In kindergarten it's cute, but it's just wrong now. Parents should look down on you.

Answer 42

maybe you could say its ok but they must be around an adult such as yourself when they are together...



not saying your daughter would do this .. but i thought it was kinda odd to see this question then the next one said 11year old pregnant?



just be carefull.

and goodluck

Answer 43

well, if they go on a date, go with them, but dont be all over them for the whole time, but keep an eye on them

Answer 44

You cant really prevent her from having a boyfriend, but if i were you I wouldnt let her go out alone with him

Answer 45

i had a frend EXACTLY like her. she wnet on dates to i wanted to gag i think its dumb wait till shes 16

Answer 46

i wouldnt let me kid do it... go on the date with them, or send some1 you trust. it will give them ideas if they are finally alone.