how to make my child mind me?

Question

i cant get my children to mind me they mind there dad there step-fathetr and everybody else but not me i need help!!!!!!!

Answer 1

Imagine parenting like riding a horse..you're in the saddle, racing along when they are first born, but as they get older the ride gets alittle rougher, if you don't hold on tight and keep control of the reins you begin to slip out of the saddle and by the time your child is 12-13 you are barely hanging onto the tail..I love this word picture because it is appropriate to see how difficult it will be if you don't regain control now while they are small.

Now to my sage advice as I have literally helped at least 100 parents raise their children (I've been a Day Care provider for 30 years and raised two well behaved wonderful children to adulthood)

First and foremost, parenting is not for wimps..you have to be ready to do whatever it takes and BE CONSISTANT...when you waiver they smell blood and you are toast. For children to feel safe and secure they have to know that they can depend on you. That you won't be one way and then the next day, depending on your mood you're another way. The one piece of advice I tell parents is whether youre strict or easy, be consistant. How do you gain back control, it will be difficult for everyone but you have to do a 180 and sit them down and say something like this:

"Mom (and or Dad) have let you do (address their behavior)for sometime. We love you so much, and we don't want to punish you to hurt you. But your behavior is no longer acceptable. I know you've been doing this for awhile, so you won't be used to doing things differently so in fairness to you this is what we'll do. When you are acting out and misbehaving, I'm going to give you a warning, if you choose to continue, you do so understanding that now there are going to be serious consequences for your behavior. You will haven chosen them for yourself. Just be warned these are the new rules of the house."

Be aware they are going to test you, and often. But you have to decide ahead of time the best consequence for each child, something that will really impact them in a big way. I recommend in the beginning that the consequence be sooooooo severe that it makes an impression on them. As you get more control, you can lighten it alittle. But Mom, you have to get their attention, and their respect. If you don't do it now, you will have such a tough life, as will they. I cannot impress on you enough how important it is to get back in the saddle NOW!!! Good luck..and pray alot! :)

Answer 2

you need to be consist. Mean what you say and say what you mean. You should only tell a child once. For example, turn off the TV, it is time for dinner. If it doesn't go off, then walk over, turn off the TV and sit at the dinner table. Do not argue. If they express a different opinion, just keep repeating what you originally said. Dinnertime. And don't deviate. Don't expect this to become the norm over night. It will take a lot of patience on your part. Don't get upset and keep your eye on the prize which is having mindful and polite children. You will be much happier in the long run. Try getting some love and logic parenting tips from your local library. It helped me:)

Answer 3

Oh girllll I have the same issues with my 4yr old daughter. She listens to her dad and step father and when they aren't around she will not listen to me! It is so fustrating cause your days are filled with battling them rather than enjoying them. Honestly for about two days now I've been attempting a new approach. First forget the battling. I'm not fighting with a 4yr old anymore! She don't listen I get firm (no yelling just firm) get down on her level and tell her it needs to be done or she will sit in time out for 4 min. then we will try again. Until the task is done she goes right back into time out. If she gets up from time-out I put her right back and start it over again. Don't yell or hit them cause it doesn't work I use to scream and smack her to get her to listen and they actually feed off that and they end up more defiant cause they see you lost control and when you do that you are losing control. So try to stay calm, be firm, and BE CONSISTANT. Good luck, oh and if your kids are teenagers do the same but take away t.v, radio, friends etc.. instead of a time-out. Be Firm!!

Answer 4

I have had this problem with my children until recently. I found a program that has really seemed to help by rewarding good behavior. It is totally customizable and even has an area to record unacceptable behavior. It has worked wonders with my children. Comes with a 15 day free trial, then if you like it, it is $30 to keep it. http://www.myrewardboard.com/

Answer 5

relatives is on the subject of the main complicated component on our planet. each so often those silent fights and rifts have been began years in the past and might't be reversed or altered. you will basically might desire to draw your individual conclusions and are available to a determination who you rejoice with spending time with and understand you are able to no longer substitute the previous. there is glaring stress between those 2 women folk and it is good your husband is in a place to work out he substitute into recommendations-washed and might now see the good in this aunt. i'm nonetheless smiling after interpreting "codswallop"

Answer 6

Take him every time with you on the beach on the restaurant and make for him all those pleasures that he like !!! If it will not work try to talk to his step-father and maybe you'll solve the problem I hope so !!!

Answer 7

You don't say how old they are, but here is some advice for toddlers up to 6/7 years old.



They are "Mommy Deaf" They probably hear you say "no" and "don't" about a thousand times a day, and they just don't listen anymore.



First start by guiding their bad behavior into positive outlets. Play games with them. Sing songs with them. Read stories to them. Once they know they have your attention, they will not need to act out to get it.



Set up a daily schedule with meals, snacks, activities with you, outside time, quiet time, housework time, and free play time. This can be any way you want, and times don't really matter. It's just important for your children to know that after snack time is housework time, and then it will be time to play outside. When they know that housework time or quiet time is coming, they will be more likely not to rebel against it.



Make some household rules. Let your children participate in this. Write them on a peice of posterboard in a positive way. For instance, instead of "No hitting," write, "We keep our hands to ourselves." Instead of "No running," write "We walk."



This is the hardest part, and it takes practice. Try to restrict yourself from saying "Don't" too much. Children hear only action words. So if you say "Don't run, Don't run," over and over all day, all they hear is "RUN, RUN, RUN" Try to say "We walk" instead. Say "We lower our voices" instead of "Don't shout." Say "Feet are for the floor," instead of "Don't stand on the couch." This really helps with young ones.



Give them options that make them feel in charge of their lives. "Do you want to go to the park or the library today?" "Do you want carrots or apples for a snack?" Small things make a big difference.



Use reflective listening. When you hear, "I don't want to clean up," respond with "I know you don't want to, but we all do our part to keep the house clean." When you hear, "You make me mad," respond with "I know you are angry, but I am your mother and I do what's best for you."



These are just a few things that have helped me with my very independent, rebellious five year old and with having a daycare in my home.

Answer 8

Watch some of those nanny reality shows for a while.

ABC's "Supernanny" (Fridays, 8 p.m. ET) and Fox's "Nanny 911" (Wednesdays, 9 p.m. ET)

Answer 9

When my kid refuses to do something (like get dressed) I tell him that since he didn't mind me he can choose between a spanking or timeout. He usually chooses to do what I asked him to (iem get dressed).



I also praise him for listening to me.

Answer 10

structure is important, they're used to you so you have to be that much more firm with them, firm, not mean. get down on their level and talk to them calmly in a way they can understand. try not to raise your voice. let them express themselves and how they're feeling, tryin to understand them will help alot

Answer 11

Call Dr.Phil, he has a solution for everything.

Answer 12

Keep it oldschool and whoop their asses...