Am I doing the right thing by taking in my six year old nephew!?

Question

What problems do people with HIV face?
I am a thirty-seven year old mother. My husband is forty-two. We have two biological children. Our daughter who is ten and our son who is nine. I gave birth to my daughter when I was twenty seven and gave birth to my son when I was twenty eight. We never planned to have any more children, I was perfectly content with my husband and two children, one of each sex and very close in age- just what I imagined when I dreamed of being a good wife and a mother. Silly really, but I never thought I would have anything else in my life. The pretty housewife of a well off and handsome business man, who loved her husband and their two polite, well groomed children. I was so stupid.

But, recently I found out my father had another child behind my mother’s back. Five months ago found out I had a half-sister who was two years younger than me. Same time I had found out she was dead; I was informed about her only after she had a drug overdose and died. My father was dead at this point and there was my mother and I left. My half-sister did not have any other family.

My mother had known about my sister for a while, but seemed more concerned over the race of my sister than the fact her husband had been sleeping around! I have always considered my mother to be slightly racist, doubled when I heard her rants about my father and his ‘black whores.’ I didn’t care about my sister’s skin colour, being an only child- or so I thought- my only desire as a child was to have a sibling- no matter the skin colour. We fought about this and the two of us have not been in contact for nearly three months.

My sister had one child, a little boy who is now six. They have not been able to track down his father, and planned on putting the child into foster care.

But this little child is family, so my husband and I asked for custody and ended up taking my nephew in. He has been living with us for four months now, we managed to get him in our custody a month after his mother died, the month he was in state care they were trying to track down his dad but could no, so allowed us to become his legal guardians.

While only knowing him for four months, I have fallen in love with this child and so has my husband. Our two kids think it’s awesome to have a six year old little brother around.

Two months ago, we took him to go have medical tests, so he could be put into my family’s medical records and health care plan. Our other two children and us all had these tests as well, so we thought it was not a big deal… we were wrong and were shocked when it came back he was HIV positive.

His mother was not positive and they checked him for signs of sexual penetration and did not find any, so our conclusion is that this little boy had been infected with a needle, or might have been breastfed by another woman who could have been HIV positive, we can’t be certain.
We have not informed by nephew, not sure how to explain it, nor have we informed the other children. And we have yet to inform the school, deciding to wait until we were absolutely sure.

But I am unsure how to go about this, once I tell the school (because legally I’m sure I have to) will this information be confidential?? I don’t want him being bullied at school because of this?

What should I tell him? How do you explain to a six year old about this?

Should I tell our children?

Does anyone know any could forums or websites about rising HIV positive children?

Because right now I have no idea how to start, I don’t really know much about HIV at all?

What kind of problems will he face because of this?

As a family, what kind of things do we have to prepared for?

What should we do?

I know next to nothing about HIV, but he is my family, so I have to learn, for him. WHat do I need to know?


Am I doing the right thing my taking in my six year Nephew? or should he be with someone with more experience?

Answer 1

You are doing everything right. The best thing you could've ever done is taking your nephew in. I doubt many people would be interested in adopting hiv positive children, that's the sad truth. No matter how hard this information is going be for him growing up , you made it a thousand times easier by taking him in to a loving home. God never gives you more than you can handle. There's a reason he is in your home. Good luck, and maybe you can call a local childrens hospital, I am sure they would have information about forums and help groups.

Answer 2

First, you've most definitely done the right thing by taking him in. He's already faced enough trauma in his life with an absentee father and the death of his mother. Now he's facing a complex chronic disease. He needs the support and love of family to get through this much more than he needs someone with experience. In time, you'll be that person with experience, but nobody else will ever be family for him.



You, on the other hand, are going to need professional help. This is not a simple disease to manage. Medically, it's probably no more or less complicated than any other chronic disease (Type I Diabetes, for example), but because it can be spread by contact with blood, you're going to also need to learn to deal with and manage public perception. On top of that, you're also going to need to learn to handle being a multi-racial family. That has its own challenges.



Finally, I think you need to get everyone informed as soon as possible. Everyone needs to be aware of special precautions they may need to take to prevent the spread of the disease. That said, I think something important to know is this: There has never been a case of someone contracting HIV through normal household contact.

Answer 3

Yes, I think you made the right choice in keeping him with you. I agree that you need some professional advice. Your doctor must be able to steer you in the right direction in that matter. As far as what to tell your new son, I think you need to learn about what it means to live with HIV before you talk to him (and your other children). (I don't know enough either, but i know that more and more, people are living long, healthy lives being HIV positive.) As for the school, surely they would keep it confidential. Otherwise they would be turning your son into a pariah among his classmates. I think this little boy sounds very lucky to have landed with you and your family. Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't know much about HIV, so I'm sorry for wasting your time with this answer - but your story was so touching that I had to comment. I think what you did is a wonderful thing. I'm adopted, also, so I have a soft spot in my heart for any family who takes in a child as their own. As far as your last question goes, I definitely think you did the right thing. Other people might have more experience, but you LOVE this child, and that is what he will need the most to beat this illness. All the experience in the world could not replace the warmth and affection that you can provide. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 5

You are doing the right thing for this little boy. You are providing him with a loving family and the support he'll need to live with HIV.



I found this regarding schools:

http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/hq53e9.html

not sure if it's outdated: it was written 1991?

You should see if you can contact them in your state regardless.



an article:

http://schools.info4uabout.com/2009/06/children-with-aids-in-public-schools.html



From what I understand in the article, the information is generally kept private.



Here's a quick read on HIV (&aids) and how it's transferred: http://www.amfar.org/About_HIV_and_AIDS/Basic_Facts_About_HIV/



Here's a great article that covers the basics on HIV- a quick read:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/infections/bacterial_viral/hiv.html



A quick overview of treatment for children:

http://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/guide/hiv-in-children?page=2





An article about both: http://www.hivinfosource.org/hivis/hivbasics/children/#For_Parents



Another: http://www.womenchildrenhiv.org/ (look for the section "Care of Children")







other resources:

http://www.childrensaidsociety.org/







Goodluck :)

Answer 6

You should just run it by your brother. Its not really that big of a deal but, you need to teach your nephew to not be cruel to insects or animals. My son (who is 5) likes to take bugs and put them in jars. (I dont like the bugs in my house) I tell him that those bugs have a mommy and the mommy is maybe wondering where they are. Sometimes he puts them back, sometimes he doesnt. This might sound wierd but, maybe your 6 year old nephew is wondering how the june bugs legs work, and his idea of getting a closer look is ripping the legs off.....drowning them....thats just mean....Maybe picking up a constructive toy where he can build something, take it apart and put it back together would keep him away from the insects.

Answer 7

I am not a medical expert, but you did do the right thing taking in your nephew and giving him a better life. I'm sure the school would keep it confidential but talk to the principal and find out.

Answer 8

I think you should talk to a professional about this, someone who can put you in touch with a support group. They will help you through this and be able to tell you what kind of problems he and you as a family will face but only you can make the decision about him living with you.. Good luck to both of you...

Answer 9

You have done a wonderful thing

On behalf of your nephew I want to say thank you to you and your husband

God will bless you both

I feel you need a group to begin with and do some reading

I have a friend who adopted a baby with HIV and he is now 10years

Care and love is her therapy; she is saying "He looks like he will outlive me" in a proud mummy fashion

You are wonderful people; keep strong