Looking for homework advice for child who keeps "forgetting" to do homework?

Question

I need homework parenting advice.

I have a 9 year old son. I have majority time during the school year. Ex has more time over the summer. Ex has EOW (including Sunday night).

My concern is with son having increasing homework as he gets older.

After a weekend at his Mom's, son and I spend hours catching up on weekend homework packets or required reading.

I spoke with son and he said he just forgets.

So I emailed ex and let her know that this is a concern — previously I only told her in person.

Ex replied that I'm lying.

I spoke with my lawyer, who said there isn't much I can do since ex already has limited time during the school year.

I've spoken with son about being more responsible, but he continues to not do homework there.

To keep his grades up (he's an A/B student), we are both miserable when he comes home Mondays after ex's weekend.

I sit with him while he does homework in case he needs my help; son throws tantrums and cries at the table. Sometimes he's up until midnight.

Son says I'm mean and wishes I was like his Mom.

I'm looking for advice on how to handle homework:

- Do I stop fighting and let him get zeros in an effort to let him see what happens if he doesn't do homework?

- Do I make him set at the table alone until it is done and ready for me to check? That way he doesn't have and audience and I can get things around house done.

- Do I keep doing what I'm doing?

- Is there something else that might work?

Thank you.

Answer 1

There's not much you can do about getting his mom to be responsible about homework on weekends, I'm afraid, and *of course* her lackadaisical attitude about homework will make your son "like" her more. But it won't help him in the long run. You can be friends with your son when he's a self-sufficient young adult, but right now you need to be his PARENT, and being a good parent sometimes means doing the unpopular thing because it's what your kid needs, whether they like it or not.



I do agree that hours of homework is too much for a 9 year old, and if other parents in his class are having the same complaint, some pushing back about it during the next PTA meeting might be warranted. In the meantime, I *don't* think you need to sit with your son the entire time he's doing his homework. Instead, I'd suggest sitting down with him at the beginning, then have him lay out all of his assignments and help him figure out the order i which to complete them. The amount of it may feel overwhelming to him at first, but you can help teach him how to break the problem down and tackle one piece at a time, starting with the hardest, or easiest, or longest, or shortest, or least favorite to save the favorite for last, or whatever works for him. Then go about your business and tell him you'll check on him in 20 or 30 minutes, and if he gets stuck on something to set it aside and work on something else until you can come help him.

Answer 2

Reward him for doing his homework

Answer 3

Why does a 9-year-old have weekend homework anyway? I'd be taking that up with the teacher. No 9-year-old needs anything other than some light reading on the weekend.

Answer 4

Get with the his teacher on this. Ask how long his homework should be taking him. How is he performing while at school.

No child this age should be up until midnight doing homework. You have turned this into a chore, even a feeling of punishment. And yes a 9 year old can forget about school work.

You need to start a homework schedule.

Let him do work - with you near by- for 30 minutes, then take a break. Praise him for doing the work.

Then do 30 more minutes.

Does he have an assignment notebook? Then you your ex and him know what needs to be done on the weekend. I had to check the assignment book when homework was completed at this age.

Can you ask the teacher to email his home work assignments for the weekend on Fridays. You can forward that on to your ex.



Read together, make it fun. My daughter was a painfully slow reader. I sat with her as we both read. Get a comfy chair. Have a snack near by.

Answer 5

I wouldn't let it go.. I would however not sit with him the whole time.. he's old enough to try to do it on his own.. he can let you know if he needs something.. I also wouldn't have him up till midnight with no breaks.. you want him to enjoy school... not hate it.

Answer 6

Poor kid this is what happens when immature people reproduce and then play games that put a child at a disadvantage.

Answer 7

Personally, whenever I repeatedly "forgot" to do homework, I got my butt busted. After a couple times of that, I stopped forgetting and got it done.



If you're against spanking, try taking away privileges -- video games, cell phone, whatever he enjoys. This should have the same effect.



And if all else fails, your suggest of just letting him get zeroes is pretty good, too. Although if he doesn't care about school enough to remember to do the homework in the first place, he might not care if his grades drop.

Answer 8

In these family situations, people usually do the common-sense things first, but when that doesn't work, they have to let the problem go and get back to concentrating on their jobs, bills, and pressing matters. What else can a parent do?

Answer 9

I wouldn’t sit at the table. That’s annoying and it makes him feel like you’re watching everything he does. Let him do his homework and when he’s done, check it. Let him call you when he needs help.



Might want to consider a new agreement with the ex. Let him stay with you during the school year and she gets him during the summer, holidays, breaks.



Traveling back and forth during the weekends can be exhausting and valuable time wasted when he could be doing homework.

Answer 10

spankins